


In Sickness, In Health

by jynx



Series: In-Laws from Hell [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Police, Computer Hacking, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Faked Death, M/M, Nipple Piercings, Organized Crime, Tattoos, The Jedi are the In-Laws from Hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-04-28 00:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14437854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jynx/pseuds/jynx
Summary: [ABANDONED] When he proposed to her, she found it very engaging.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Friendly Support](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12549200) by [Cuzosu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuzosu/pseuds/Cuzosu). 



> Soooo.....YEAH! This is not a finished work. Surprise! I'm writing it as I feel like having a break from Polaris. So this crack thing will get randomly added to at random points, and it has different timeline.
> 
> SURPRISE!!! >D

Rex had his hands in Obi-Wan's hair as they kissed, completely ignoring the TV and Cody--who was alternating between cursing at them and the TV--when the doorbell rang. 

"Food?" Rex asked, pulling away from the kiss long enough glance at the door in confusion. 

"I didn't order anything," Obi-Wan said, nipping Rex's bottom lip. He wasn't exactly inclined to move to check either; Rex's lap was very comfortable. He was also quite happy that Rex was here after the scare the other had given him two days ago with an arrest gone almost horribly wrong. Rex was home for the next week because of the injury and Obi-Wan was going to enjoy every minute of it. 

"I ordered from that Greek place around the corner," Cody said, "but that was only a couple of minutes ago. That's fast, even for them." 

"Ooh," Rex said, looking at his brother. "You got gyros, yeah? If you didn't, I'm firing you as my brother." 

"The fuck do you take me for, of course I got gyros," Cody said as the knock came again. "I got stuffed leaves and souvlaki." 

"Wonderful," Obi-Wan said as he got to his feet. Lazy Fetts, never wanting to get the door. "Guess that means I'm paying this time?" 

"Nah, they have my card on record," Rex said, squeezing Obi-Wan's hand as he got up. "Cody probably told them to charge me." 

"You bet I did," Cody said. 

Obi-Wan nodded and ruffled Cody's hair on the way, opening the door and stumbling back as a tall blond threw themselves at him. 

"OBI!!" the blond shouted as he started sobbing into Obi-Wan's neck. 

Obi-Wan stiffened, surprised, and hesitantly brought his arms up around the other. "Anakin?" 

"Babe?" Rex asked from behind him, worried. 

Obi-Wan looked at Rex, still trying to soothe his brother by rubbing his back, and sighed. "Rex, meet my brother, Anakin." 

"You said you don't have any family," Cody said, also having come up behind them. 

Anakin, if possible, cried harder. 

Obi-Wan stood there, awkward, as Anakin hung off of him and his boyfriend and best friend stood behind him. He wanted to sink into the ground or run away, but he couldn't because of the way Anakin had him pinned and unable to move. 

"I faked my death," Obi-Wan said. "My family used to believe I was dead but, with Anakin's appearance, I am going to assume that they know I am alive." 

"Oh, that's going to be an interesting story," Cody muttered. 

Anakin clutched him tighter and Obi-Wan squeaked, being swept almost off his feet as Anakin straightened. "This year has been awful! Y-y-you were gone! And work has been so boring and dad has been getting into so many fights with grandpa and no one knows has to stop them from fighting and great-grandpa is just toking up everywhere and, and Padme's pregnant!" 

Obi-Wan swore. "Anakin, what do you _mean_ Padme's pregnant?" 

Anakin sniffed and let Obi-Wan go, and he stumbled back a step into Rex. "She did a test and then the doctors said she was. And there was an ultrasound. I'm gonna be a dad." 

Obi-Wan's eyes narrowed and he stepped forward, slapping the back of Anakin's head. "CONDOMS!" he shouted. "You can hardly take care of a cactus without killing it, what makes you think you can take care of a baby?" 

"Well, you--" 

"No!" Obi-Wan said. "No. This is your mess, Anakin, you need to grow up and learn to take responsibility for your actions." 

"Why don't we move this inside?" Cody suggested, reaching out to take Obi-Wan's elbow. He tugged Obi-Wan backwards and handed him off to Rex, who kissed his forehead and murmured something Obi-Wan wasn't capable of hearing. 

He was beyond listening right now. This was why he had left. He couldn't continue to clean up every mess his family brought his way. He wanted a life, his own life, and these past eight months had been so amazingly wonderful to show him what it felt like to actually live. Having Anakin here, assuming he'd drop everything to take care of him and the latest mess was too much. 

He shook his head, touching Rex's cheek, and walked into the bedroom and shut the door. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun remember if I posted this to tumblr or not. OHWELL
> 
> Also, the thing Anakin does with Ahsoka's phone? Is a form of parental stalking and is not okay in any form.

Rex frowned at the bedroom door before looking at the still very distressed blond in their living room. Cody was giving the guy the stink-eye, which Rex couldn't blame him for, but with Obi-Wan removing himself from the situation it left this Anakin as the only source of information. And Rex wanted information in the worst way. 

"Can I get you a beer?" Rex asked. 

"Are you two," Anakin started, looking at Rex with wide-eyes. "I mean. He doesn't. I've never seen Obi _date_ people. He hates people. He likes his computers and he loved his motorcycle and his books but he. He didn't date. Like, at all. Okay, well, I mean there was that one time but it ended in like, a literal fiery car crash." 

"Wow," Cody said. "I'm getting something stronger than beer." 

Rex watched his brother go for the liquor shelf in the kitchen and silently agreed. "Make something for me?" he called. 

"Oh, uh, I think I'll stick to water," Anakin said sadly. "I'm trying to be good, for Padme and everything." 

"How old are you?" Rex asked, curious. He couldn't get a read on the kid, he looked young but then so did Obi-Wan. 

"Twenty-eight," Anakin said. "Obi-Wan's my adopted brother, it's kind of a fantastic mess? Our great-grandpa, Yoda, was my kindergarten teacher, and noticed that my mom was going through a really, really rough patch. Somehow that got Obi-Wan's dad fostering me so my mom could get her life together, which she did and my mom's amazing now! She's a chef and she's got her own restaurants and it's amazing. But dad ended up adopting me because things got bad for mom and it's fine, because now I have this amazing family." 

Cody handed Rex a drink and Anakin a bottle of water. "Sounds like a mess, all right," he said. "How does that lead to Obi-Wan faking his death to get away from all of you?" 

Anakin fiddled with the bottle. "I don't know," he said. "He's amazing, you know? He's the only one who can get dad and grandpa to stop fighting, and they fight about everything just for the sake of fighting. He put off college a little bit to help get me settled and, I mean, he didn't really seem to mind when I kept showing up on his doorstep when he moved out. He ended up moving back home after three months anyway, so I think he missed us." 

Rex took a sip of his drink and almost choked. How much liquor did Cody put in this? Cody just gave him a sly look and drank his like a pro. Asshole. 

"He's my best friend and my brother, he's the first one I go to when anything goes wrong and he just, just fixes it. He's amazing like that," Anakin said. 

"Oh, I just bet he is," Cody said, nudging the kid down onto the couch as they moved to sit down. Cody claimed the recliner again and Rex went for the other end of the long couch. "What did he used to do for fun?" 

"Fun?" Anakin asked, blankly. "Uhm." 

"If he was your best friend, surely you know what he used to do for fun," Cody said. 

Rex snorted into his drink. 

"Well, he liked books," Anakin said, perking up. "He was always reading, or tinkering with that motorcycle of his. And he's good with computers, though I don't know what he does on them. He always made sure we never saw the screens." He looked frustrated at that. "I used to try to sneak up on him and never could." 

"He's impossible to sneak up on," Rex agreed. "It's kind of fun to try though." 

Cody looked unimpressed and settled back into his chair, drinking from his glass. 

"How long have you been dating?" Anakin asked Rex. "I mean it when I said I don't think I've ever seen him with anyone else except that one really bad time." 

"Eight months," Obi-Wan said as the bedroom door opened. "And honestly, Anakin. The amount of times dad or granddad walked in on me having sex was ridiculous, how could you not have noticed?" 

Anakin stared at him as Rex and Cody laughed. "What?!" 

"Do you want me to go through the names?" Obi-Wan asked, sitting next to Rex. 

Anakin looked hesitant. "Do I know them?" 

Obi-Wan smirked. "Oh, yes, very well in some cases." 

"Then no!" Anakin said. "I don't want the mental images of, of that!" 

Obi-Wan leaned into Rex, stealing his drink and taking a long sip before handing it back. "Cody, next time I need a drink, you are making it. What the hell did you do?" 

"I don't think he understands the meaning of the word 'mixer'," Rex said. 

"Mixers are for wimps," Cody said. "Unless the mixer is more alcohol, it does not exist." 

"Hear, hear," Obi-Wan murmured, resting his head on Rex's shoulder. 

"You okay?" Rex asked softly. 

"No," Obi-Wan said. Louder, to Anakin, he asked, "How did you find me?" 

Anakin went red, cracking open the water bottle and downing half the contents in one swallow. 

Obi-Wan straightened, eyes narrowed. "Anakin." 

"Look, it's not totally my fault here," Anakin said, not looking at his brother. "You started it when you _faked your death_!" 

"I did it to get away from all of you overbearing assholes who wouldn't let me breathe!" Obi-Wan shouted. "What did you do?" 

Anakin blinked, looking hurt. "Something Ahsoka said didn't make sense and I know sometimes you help out with the Commissioner on their computer stuff, so… I might have hacked their systems." 

Obi-Wan took Rex's drink and downed it as Rex stared at Obi-Wan's insane brother. Cody set his drink down on the coffee table and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. 

"Kid?" Cody said. "We should possibly introduce ourselves. My name's Sergeant Cody Fett, West District, Jersey City Police Department." 

"Sergeant Rex Fett, West District, Jersey City Police Department," Rex said, honestly enjoying the sight of the kid going pale far too much. 

"Oh," Anakin said. "So, uh, when I say 'hack', I mean that I--" 

"You mean what exactly?" Cody asked, grinning that shark grin of his. 

"Knock it off," Obi-Wan said. "Anakin, Cody's fucking with you because he can. Cody's arrested me a few times when I've worked for Windu, granted that was sanctioned police work and I had a reason for doing what I was doing and you do not--" 

"I was looking for you!" Anakin said. 

"And I will be having words with Windu that he actually put my address in the database," Obi-Wan said. 

"Uh, actually," Anakin said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I only found out that you weren't in the accident and they falsified your dental records to match with Mister Crispy. I can't believe you let them wreck your bike." 

Rex could feel Obi-Wan tensing up next to him and wrapped an arm around him, kissing his cheek. "Relax, love," he said. "Let him talk." 

Anakin gave them a puzzled look but continued. "Once I knew you weren't in the accident and obviously Ahsoka was still in contact--" 

"You did not," Obi-Wan said. "Anakin, tell me you didn't." 

"What?!" Anakin protested. "She's my kid, kind of, I pay the cell phone bill. I didn't touch her phone, I just looked at the bill. And ran the numbers." 

"Jeez," Rex said. "I'd have murdered dad if he tried that shit on me." 

"Wait, how is she 'sort of' your kid?" Cody asked. 

"Fostering," Obi-Wan said. "Ahsoka hasn't had the best life and somehow Anakin ended up taking her in. I don't know how--" 

"I'm good with her!" 

"I'm not denying that," Obi-Wan said. "You two are good as siblings but she will never see you as an authority figure." Anakin opened his mouth to protest but seemed to think better of it because he shrugged and let it go. "That being said, you should tell her what you did." 

"Fine," Anakin said. "Hey, did you know Satine has a nephew? Ahsoka's been texting him." 

"Korkie, and yes," Obi-Wan said. "I am starting to pity your poor child and they haven't even been born yet." 

"Yeah," Anakin said slowly. "That's part of why I'm here, aside from wanting to yell at you for doing this to us. I mean, you wrecked the family, Obi, really bad." Rex saw Obi-Wan's jaw clench and he took his boyfriend's hand and squeezed it gently. "I need your help. You've always been better with the political stuff than I am. I'm going to ask Padme to marry me, not just because of the baby but because I love her. But that means I need to know politics, all the politics, because I don't want to embarass her, so I need you to teach me everything you know. Just like you used to teach me before." 

"Politics?" Rex asked, looking at Cody who shrugged. 

Obi-Wan pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Anakin's Padme is Padme Naberrie, the mayor of New York City." 

"Oh shit," Cody whispered, staring at Anakin. "Good job?" 

"How the hell did you bag a mayor?" Rex asked. 

Anakin frowned at them. "You...don't know who we are?" 

"No, they don't," Obi-Wan said, slumping against Rex and turning his face to outright hide against his shoulder. 

"Our grandfather is Dooku Serenno," Anakin said. 

"Holy shit," Cody whispered. "He was a fucking four star general." 

"He's famous," Rex said when he could get his jaw to hinge back properly. "I mean, you're talking about having fought in some key World War II battles and some of those. I. Obi, your grandfather--" 

"Is a pain in the ass," Obi-Wan said. "He doesn't give a shit about his military career, for the record, and these days is more interested in his stage acting. He can't talk about the majority of his service and if you press him on it, by the way, will just start making shit up. Which makes my great-grandfather outraged and they start arguing and sometimes it draws my father into it and trying to get them to stop fighting is an exercise in patience and diplomacy. I'm surprised I haven't murdered them all yet." 

"No, you just decided to fake your own death instead," Anakin said, sounding bitter. 

"Yes," Obi-Wan said, looking at him. "Let you all figure out how to get along without me making it easier for you." 

"We are not telling dad who your grandfather is," Cody decided. 

Obi-Wan looked at him, frowning. Rex grinned and nudged Obi-Wan. "Dad would either heckle him or fanboy." 

"I'd pay money to see Jango fanboy anyone," Obi-Wan said. 

Rex wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and pulled him into his lap, delighted. "I would too," he said. "It'd be worth the price of admission alone." 

"Who else knows?" Obi-Wan asked Anakin, letting himself be manhandled and kissing Rex's cheek. The easy affection between them always pleased Rex; it was something they never had to work at, it just seemed to happen between them. 

"Erhm," Anakin said. "I might have texted dad when I was on my way over." 

A knock sounded. 

"Either that's the food we ordered," Cody said, "or that's another surprise." 

"I'm really hoping food," Rex said. "I'm starving." 

Obi-Wan ran a hand through Rex's hair and hummed a soft agreement. "I'm sorry," he said softly, just for Rex's ears. "I should have told you about this." 

"Maybe," Rex said, eyes half-closing in pleasure at Obi-Wan's ministrations. "I can see why you wouldn't, though, 'cause it looks pretty damn bad from this side." 

"It was, is," Obi-Wan said. "They mean well but they're hell. I couldn't take it anymore." 

"I'm glad," Rex said. "Who knows if I would have met you if you hadn't?" 

"Considering you were a big baby who avoided his father's?" Obi-Wan teased, kissing Rex's nose. "Probably not." 


	3. Chapter 3

The food had been quickly devoured between the three of them, Anakin waving them off when they offered to share. He was apparently too anxious to eat, tapping away at his phone and looking at Obi-Wan, then looking at his phone again. 

"Who do you think is best to show up?" Rex asked. 

Obi-Wan leaned against him in a partial food coma, eyes half-closed. "Don't care right now, too full." 

"I'm texting dad," Cody said. "He should be here for this." He was grinning. "Boba and Ahsoka, want them here too?" 

"Roller derby practice," Obi-Wan pointed out. "Boba is probably trying not to crush on her while Ahsoka is literally trying to crush everything." 

"Our brother is hopeless," Cody sighed. 

"Where did we go wrong?" Rex asked. 

"Needs to man up," Cody agreed. 

"He needs to ask her out," Rex said. 

"Too scared," Cody said. 

"Too much time with Fives?" 

"Maybe it was Kix?" 

"I don't see you dating anyone," Obi-Wan pointed out to Cody with a wicked grin. 

"Really?" Cody asked. "You wanna go there?" 

"Think I just did," Obi-Wan said, yawning. He heard his phone going off and nudged Rex. "Get that for me?" 

Rex kissed his cheek and got up while Obi-Wan kept his eyes closed. He was so comfortable, ignoring the impending anxiety attack, and he wanted to pull a blanket over him and Rex and just nap the day away. It would be a fantastic ending to the day...If he avoided everything else that was happening. 

"No sleeping," Cody said. 

Obi-Wan grumbled and sat up from his slouch as Rex handed him his phone, sitting back on the couch. Anakin was giving him another odd look and he rolled his eyes. No, he hadn't been very relaxed at home. He'd been uptight, concerned with manners and propriety, and how everything looked because that was what was expected. They had so many eyes on them, even in their own home, that relaxing was never really an option. Here, now? That sort of thing didn't matter. 

He unlocked his phone and blinked. Five missed calls from Windu--he hadn't even heard his phone ring--and numerous text messages. The latest was five minutes ago. 

//We're on our way. He's not happy.// 

Obi-Wan's breath caught in his chest and he scrolled back through the texts. 

"Oh, fuck," he said, eyes wide. 

"What?" Rex asked, worried. 

"Uhm," Obi-Wan said, licking his lips as he read Windu's messages before tossing the device on the coffee table. "My dad is on his way here with Commissioner Windu. Looks like the moment Anakin told him his suspicions, he went to Windu and demanded the truth, and… Well. Now they're coming here." 

"He took it real hard," Anakin said, looking up from his phone. "When grandpa wanted to clean out your room, dad went after him. I had to call the cops to break up that fight." 

Obi-Wan stared at him. "What?" 

Anakin fiddled with his phone, looking uncomfortable. "Grandpa kept telling him to stop being so sentimental and that he was being just as bad as he was with Brigit, that--Obi?" 

Obi-Wan had started swearing, with such an intensity that Rex and Cody were giving him impressed looks, but he wasn't amused. His dad had been absolutely miserable when his mom had died, had thrown himself into his work, turning her rooms into almost a shrine to her memory. 

Brigit Kenobi had been a doctor who worked five months out of the year in impoverished nations, bringing them medications and treatments they desperately needed, but she had contracted an illness while helping. While deadly to those she was helping, she could have been cured once she returned home. No matter their family's connections, Brigit was never allowed to fly home, or even have the right medications sent to her. Obi-Wan had been nine when he'd lost her to tuberculosis. 

He was made aware, again, so aware that he had not thought this through. 

"I got them into therapy," Anakin said, running a hand through his hair. He looked frustrated. 

Obi-Wan looked up at him. "I'm sorry, say that again?" 

"Okay, well, Padme got them into therapy," Anakin said. "Dad and grandpa. Great-grandpa refuses to even consider it." 

"And you?" Obi-Wan asked, curious. 

"Why would I need to?" Anakin asked. 

Cody let out a low whistle and got up. "Who needs a beer?" 

"Me," Rex said immediately. 

There was a sudden pounding on the door. 

"I'd like one," Obi-Wan said. "Mix some rat poison in with it, if you'd be so kind." 

Cody leaned over the coffee table to ruffle his hair. "You'll be okay," he said. "Family sucks, you know that seeing ours, but we're supposed to drive each other crazy." 

Obi-Wan closed his eyes, bracing himself mentally. He felt Rex hug him and kiss his cheek, and he leaned against the other. He couldn't do this. Part of him was hard-wired to want to smooth everything over and make everyone else happy, even at his own expense. It was worse with his father. Qui-Gon always looked so sad and Obi-Wan had always tried his hardest to make him smile, to make him happy, or proud, to make he react in any positive way. 

Eventually he had given up and tried to make him react in any way at all. The motorcycle. The tattoos. Quinlan. The constant stream of one-night stands who never wanted to be anything more. 

He failed in every way that mattered, and even the ones that didn't. 

"Want...me to get it?" Anakin asked. 

Obi-Wan shook his head and got up. He took a deep breath and opened it, seeing Commissioner Windu and Qui-Gon Jinn behind him. 

"Hey, Commissioner," Obi-Wan said with an awkward smile. "Sorry, I never heard my phone ring." 

"I imagine you had more pressing concerns," Windu said, having seen Anakin peeking over the back of the recliner he was in. 

Obi-Wan nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, just a bit. Why don't the two of you come in?" 

Windu shook his head. "I have business I need to attend to. I'm sure your father can get a ride back to the City with your brother." 

"I took an Uber," Anakin said. 

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and looked at Anakin, "An Uber from New York City to Jersey City? Really? How much did that cost you?" 

"Dunno," Anakin said. "I never see those things. They just charge dad's card." 

"Does that mean I'm technically dating money?" Rex asked, giving Obi-Wan an easy smile. "Do we get an allowance? I'd love to not have to worry about cab fare. I can be lazy forever. Ubers for life." 

Obi-Wan wanted to throw something at him, or maybe kiss him, as Windu laughed. Anakin just grinned as Cody passed beer around and took his seat. Qui-Gon, however, just cleared his throat. 

"Thank you, Commissioner," he said. "I will arrange for our own transportation from here." 

"Remember what we spoke about," Windu said quietly, shaking Qui-Gon's hand. He gave Obi-Wan a nod and left. 

Obi-Wan bit his lip and moved out of the way of the door so his dad could enter the apartment. Qui-Gon Jinn was dressed in a sleek, gray three-piece suit with shined shoes and a blue tie that off-set his eyes. It was a tie that, unless Obi-Wan was wrong, he had gotten for him ages ago. He had probably even told his dad to buy the damned suit too. His dad always looked dashing in the vest and jacket combos. 

"You have a nice home," Qui-Gon said as Obi-Wan closed the door. 

"Thank you," Rex said, still sitting. "We like it." 

"You...both live here?" 

"Wait, really?" Anakin asked, looking between them. 

Obi-Wan rubbed the back of his neck. "What, did you think I was living in a box under a bridge?" Silence. They probably had, damn them. "Right, let's do this the proper way. Dad, this is Rex Fett, my boyfriend. Yes, I live here with him. I have for the past eight months. That's his brother, Cody. Both are officers with the Jersey City police department." 

He saw his father's eyebrows climb. 

Rex got to his feet and shuffled his way around the couch and coffee table to stand next to Obi-Wan, holding his hand out to Qui-Gon. "Nice to meet you, sir." 

"Did either of you, as officers of the law, have an idea that he had faked his death?" Qui-Gon asked, not even acknowledging Rex's hand. 

"We knew," Rex said. "Mostly, we just thought he was escaping a cult or something." 

Obi-Wan turned and stared at him. "What?" he squeaked, eyes wide. 

Rex shrugged. "You wouldn't talk about it, dad told us to stop asking questions, and anything you did let slip sounded fucking awful. So, cult." 

"Or really abusive ex," Cody said. "That was my thought. Rex watches way too many horror movies, you know this. You watch those shitty things with him, you should expect him to jump right to cult. Or, I don't know, body snatchers. Aliens." 

"I did not suggest aliens," Rex said, pointing at Cody. "That was Fives." 

Obi-Wan shook his head and drove his elbow into Rex's side, ignoring the 'oof' of pain. "You're officially fired as my boyfriend. I will be holding auditions for the role later." 

"I will show up at these auditions," Rex said, wrapping an arm around his waist and kissing his cheek. "I'll have a resume put together, maybe get some references? Think you can rehire me?" 

Obi-Wan sniffed, unamused. "Go shake a magic eight ball, it might give you some hope." 

" _Burn_!" Cody cackled. 

Qui-Gon was smiling, when Obi-Wan looked at him, though he was hiding it behind a hand. He looked...pleased? Anakin was even snickering. 

"Officer Fett, was it?" Qui-Gon asked, holding out his hand, and yes! That was a smile! 

"Uh, just Rex is fine, sir," Rex said, shaking his hand. 

"You make my son happy," Qui-Gon said. "Thank you. I have often despaired of ever seeing him truly happy, though it is unfortunate he had to go to such lengths to find it." 

Obi-Wan stared at him, though he could hear Rex and his dad talking. What? He didn't understand what was happening. His dad was smiling, was nodding along to something Rex was saying, they were both looking at him, and he wasn't following along. 

"I'm sorry, this is suspiciously easy," Obi-Wan said, frowning. "All of this, very suspicious. Where is the yelling, the explosive temper, the threats and guilt? The demands? I've been gone for eight months, I faked my death to get away from the four of you, and now you find me alive and living with a boyfriend. Yet, you're okay with it because I'm happy?" 

Qui-Gon looked startled. "Ben," he said, reaching out to grasp Obi-Wan's elbow. "I have only ever wanted you to be happy." 

"Then why the hell did the four of you try so hard to make me so miserable?" Obi-Wan demanded, shaking him off. "I couldn't breathe!" 

"Obi," Anakin said from behind him. "Why didn't you say something?" 

"When?" Obi-Wan asked, arching a brow. "Between grandfather's plays? Oh, I know, when great-grandfather wasn't high on whatever because of the pain, but he was still ready to shout grandfather into the next millennia if he set a toe out of line. Ah! I know, when dad and grandfather weren't trying to yell each other out of the house? Oh, no, wait. When you weren't extolling Padme's many virtues and demanding I fix your latest social mistake. Let's also not forget the constant press presence due to the very nature of who you all are?" 

Anakin huffed, coming over to stand next to their father. "You could have said something." 

"What makes you think I didn't?" Obi-Wan asked. "Multiple times, in fact, over several years. You all just needed so blasted much that it didn't matter what I wanted or needed so long as yours were attended to first." 

Rex set a hand against the small of Obi-Wan's back, a sign of quiet support, and Obi-Wan sagged against him. He wanted this to be over with. 

"I'm sorry," Qui-Gon offered softly. "I wish there was an easy solution for this, a way to fix the damage done, but there isn't." 

"No, there isn't," Obi-Wan agreed. 

"Will you at least let us attempt to mend this rift?" Qui-Gon asked, looking so much like the man from Obi-Wan's memories of when they were told of his mother's death. He looked beaten, small, hurt. The part of him that had spent his entire life making everything easy for his family ached at that. 

"There are conditions," Obi-Wan said slowly. "I suppose I need to get a new cell phone--" 

Qui-Gon hesitated for a moment before pulling out Obi-Wan's smartphone in its beat-up blue case from his suit pocket. It was even charged. Obi-Wan turned it over in his hands, staring at it, then at his dad. 

"No, I couldn't get into it," Qui-Gon said. "The tech people I asked couldn't either. I wanted, at the time, to at least see what pictures you might have had on it. To have at least have some connection, whatever small one it would be. You hate social media too much to post anything publically." 

"We fixed that," Cody said, a touch smug. "We've got him hooked up with an Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook." 

"I'm going to find you on them," Anakin said, sounding awed. He was bent over his phone again, smiling, as he tried to find Obi-Wan. 

"It's entertaining to harass your family," Obi-Wan said, flushing slightly, still turning his phone over in his hands. It felt good to have it back. 

"They love it," Rex said, kissing his cheek. "Even dad does. Boba loves it, too, same with Ahsoka." 

Obi-Wan couldn't help the smirk. "Except when I tease them both about their crushes on each other." 

"Wait, what?" Anakin demanded, looking up from his futile search. "Ahsoka has a crush on someone?! That's not allowed!" 

"Oh, we're going to have fun with this one, aren't we?" Cody asked, unimpressed. 

"Have at," Obi-Wan said, tapping in his ridiculous passcode. He was surprised he still remembered where all the symbols went. 

"That's, what, ten characters?" Rex asked. 

"Sixteen," Obi-Wan said, smiling as the phone opened. It still had service. There were several missed calls, text messages, emails… He sighed and looked at his dad, sliding the phone into his back pocket. "Right, well. You know how to get in touch with me, I suppose, and you know where I live." Qui-Gon nodded. "I can't stop you from telling grandfather or great-grandfather, but there are rules to me dealing with all of you again. The main one? You do not show up here unannounced." 

"What?" Anakin asked, looking confused. "Why not? You're family, family doesn't have rules like that." 

"Kid, there's these things called 'boundaries'," Cody said. "If you don't have them, people want to kill you. I have four sibs and a slew of cousins. If my door was closed, they backed off, or else there would have been murder." 

"But, before!" Anakin protested. "You moved out, yeah, but you moved back in like three months later." 

"I got kicked out of the apartment by the landlord because the four of you essentially moved in," Obi-Wan said. "The walls were thin enough that people complained about the arguing and that there were so many people in what was essentially a one-bedroom." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "It was easier to just give in to the four of you and move back home, let you have your way." 

"Oh," Anakin said quietly. 

"Look at this way," Rex said. "You and Padme, right? Would you want your whole family crashing into your bedroom any time you want to try to have sex with her?" 

"Rex," Obi-Wan growled. 

"Hey, I'm just being honest," Rex said. 

Anakin was beet red. "Okay, your point is valid and made." 

Qui-Gon looked very amused. "It never stopped Obi-Wan before." 

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, "I was trying to make a point? That maybe my room was mine and if you idiots kept opening my door whenever you wanted without so much as knocking then you deserved what you got." 

Rex was snickering. "I'd love to hear about this more later," he murmured softly. 

"Voyeur," he whispered back, nudging his boyfriend. 

"Times Square," Rex said and Obi-Wan was the one to flush red this time. Oh hell, they needed to wrap this up so he could thrash Rex with a pillow before he kissed him senseless. 

"Right!" Obi-Wan said, maybe a tad loudly. "I will not always pick up your phone calls. I have a life, it does not revolve around the latest family drama. If it is a life-or-death emergency, text. Actually, fuck that, just text me. I hate phone calls. I honest to god hate talking on the fucking phone. I will probably never pick up the phone." 

"He doesn't," Rex said. "He's awful at it, even if it's me." 

"He picked up the hospital's call," Cody said. "That was a minor miracle." 

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "Drink your fucking beer, Cody. I swear, I will find dirt on you somehow and then lord it over you for months just because I can." 

Cody looked smug as he toasted them with his beer bottle. "I am as pure as the freshly fallen snow." 

Rex stared at him. "Freshly pissed on snow, maybe." 

"We have guests," Cody said, "or I'd be owning your ass right now." 

"Children," Obi-Wan said. 

Qui-Gon nodded. "Texting only and do not come over unannounced. Anything else?" 

"I...don't think so?" Obi-Wan said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I reserve the right to add more boundaries as needed." 

"Absolutely fair," Qui-Gon said. "A question?" Obi-Wan nodded, curious. "May I hug you?" 

Obi-Wan stared at him, stricken, before nodding. He was immediately grabbed and pulled into a tight hug, tight enough to make him squeak and feel like his ribs were going to break, but he could feel the fine tremors in his father's body. Qui-Gon buried his face against Obi-Wan's neck and let out a shaky breath, whispering words of thanks in Gaelic, and Obi-Wan leaned into him. He would hug back but his father had trapped his arms when he had seized him. 

"I am so glad you are okay, Ben," Qui-Gon said, kissing his forehead as he reluctantly let go. "Safe and happy." 

Obi-Wan nodded. "Yeah, I am." 

"What more could a father ask for?" Qui-Gon asked. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sigh* It's not dead. I'm not dead. I'm just....extremely easily distracted. And I collect WIPs. IDK. Enjoy Obi & his friends. And Siri, isn't she a delight? I think she's a delight.

Obi-Wan scowled at the man leaning outside the bar's door. 

"What're you doing here?" he asked, slightly miffed. 

Cody grinned at him. "You think I'm missing this?" 

"Of course I told him," Rex said as Obi-Wan looked at him. "Besides, just in case you need backup." 

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "I won't need backup." 

"I'm here to take video for dad," Cody said. "He wanted to come too but he's involved in some huge thing with work, so be grateful it's just me." 

"Oh for fuck's sake," Obi-Wan sighed. "Fine, in we go, both of you be nice. And if anyone tries to punch me? Just let them. I deserve it." 

"Quin tried to take your head off so I'm basing all reactions on that," Cody said. 

Obi-Wan paused, hand on the door. "Quinlan wasn't military," he said slowly. "Siri was. She's the one I'm concerned about." 

"Shall we?" Rex asked, opening the door for Obi-Wan. 

Obi-Wan sighed and led the way to the table his group of friends usually claimed. He was not surprised to see all of them already there, and Quinlan was grinning happily as he twirled his customary Sharpie. 

Siri, who had been sitting at one of the corner seats, was out and on him like a shot. Not to punch him, like he would have expected, but she had him in a strangle-hold of a hug and was crying as she hung onto him. 

"YOU ABSOLUTE SHITHEAD!" she yelled, almost directly into his ear. 

"Dammit," he heard and saw Garen hand Quin money. 

"I saw that!" he said, pointing with a free hand as he wrapped the other around Siri's waist. "I demand my normal twenty-percent cut of all bets placed on me." 

"Nope," Quin said. "My money. All mine." 

"What was it on?" Rex asked. 

"If she was going to punch him or cry on him," Garen said. "Also, boyfriend? Does boyfriend have a name?" 

Rex laughed and went over, holding out his hand. "Rex Fett, that's my brother, Cody." 

"Hey," Cody said. "I'll grab us more chairs." 

"I hate you," Siri mumbled against his shoulder. "You jerk!" 

Obi-Wan hugged her tight, rubbing her back. "I'm sorry, Siri. I wished I could have told you." 

"Boyfriend?" she asked, sniffling. 

"Yeah," Obi-Wan said, nudging her so she'd look. "Pretty gorgeous, eh?" 

Siri gave him a disdainful sniff. "Five." 

Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes and pulled away, "You foul wench, take that back. Look at my man, he is not a five. He has a brother who goes by Fives but he is not a five." He saw the others out of the corner of his, laughing, and Cody was absolutely filming this. Hell. 

"You're a three," Siri said with a flip of her hair, sniffing back her tears, and flouncing back to her seat. "A three and a five. You'll make awful babies together." 

Obi-Wan grabbed a napkin off a nearby table, balled it up, and threw it at her. "I am an eight, at the _least_!" 

Siri caught it, which made Cody's jaw drop and the phone lower just a hair, and she threw it back at him. "A two now, Kenobi!" she said. "I've seen you in diapers!" 

"I've seen you in sundresses and pigtails," Obi-Wan taunted. "Frilly little skirts and in deportment classes too." 

Siri's eyes went wide as their friends ooh'ed and hissed at the implied disrespect. Siri was a badass. She was not a lady. 

"Right," their waitress said, coming up behind Obi-Wan. "You lot are back. Should I just bring the hose in to cool you two down?" 

Rex started laughing as Obi-Wan sputtered. They sat down, Cody by Siri with the phone now tucked away, and Obi-Wan and Rex by Quin. 

"Nah," Garen said. "I think a round of tequila shots to start the night off right, though, would be great." 

"'Tequila for my friend, it makes her flirty, trust me'," Bant sung softly with a bright smile. 

Siri leaned over and gave Bant a fistbump. "Yes, boyfriend-who's-name-I-didn't-catch. Give Obi all the tequila in the world. Makes him easy." 

"Water also," Obi-Wan told the waitress. Her name tag said 'Bite Me' so who knew what her name actually was. "Might as well just leave a pitcher of it for us." 

"Any food?" she asked. 

"Two plain pizzas, three orders of the spiciest wings you have," Garen started rattling off. "I'm feeling like nachos tonight, anyone else?" 

"Nachos," Reeft agreed, leaning against Garen. "With chili." 

"Buffalo chicken dip," Siri said. "Onion rings." 

"Potato skins," Bant said, smiling happily. "I love your potato skins. Fried pickle chips too!" 

"I'm guessing there's a menu somewhere, but I don't see it," Rex said to Obi-Wan. 

"Two orders of loaded tater tots, uh, fried mozzarella sticks, and two orders of the spicy potstickers," Obi-Wan said. 

Bite Me nodded, glanced at the table space, and sighed. "I fucking hate you guys, you know that, right?" 

"But we tip so well," Quin said with an easy smile. 

"Keep your shirts on this time," she said, pointing her pen at them. "I mean it, no one is paying for a free porn show with their beer." 

Cody looked confused for a second as Obi-Wan groaned and Quin laughed. He shook his head, "Miss, we'll try to keep them in line." 

"Hm, good luck with that," she said and walked off. 

"Do I want to know?" Rex asked. 

"Tramp stamp," Garen said. "Vos decided to draw it on Obi here, by bending him over the table. It was great." 

"You know," Quin said, eyes lit up, uncapping the Sharpie with his teeth. "I haven't marked either of you!" 

"No!" Obi-Wan said, pointing at Quin. "Mine! No touching!" 

Quin narrowed his eyes at Obi-Wan but recapped the marker with a definite pout. "I will ink them, just you watch. There's a whole family of Fetts out there just waiting for me to tattoo." 

"You're going to lose that one," Bant said with a smile. 

"Probably," Obi-Wan said, leaning into Rex. 

"Fett?" Garen said. "Like, Kix Fett?" 

"He's our brother, yeah," Cody said, looking around Siri. 

Obi-Wan slunk down in his seat. Aw, hell. Yeah, he'd been chewed out by Kix already for this. 

Garen slowly got to his feet while Bant looked down at her hands, biting her lip. "Are you telling me that one of my friends? Someone I work with and who has been trying to help me cope with another of my friend's supposed deaths? Has actually been in on this whole damned thing?" 

"Not 'in' on it," Obi-Wan said quickly. "If it makes you feel better, Kix put two-and-two together when he met me and read me the riot act. Loudly." 

"Why?" Bant asked. "I mean, I'm thrilled you're alive, but you haven't told us why." 

Obi-Wan looked at her, startled. "I thought it was rather obvious?" he said. "With everything that was going on at home, I didn't think I had any other option." 

"You always have other options," Garen said, sitting back down. "Faking your death? That's low." 

The waitress came over with the tray of shots, eyebrow arched, and passed the drinks out. She set the water pitcher down and a stack of glasses before leaving. 

Obi-Wan huffed a soft laugh, grabbing the tequila shot and tossing it back. "I could explain what the situation was like until I was blue in the face but none of you would actually understand. You might sympathize with what I was saying, but you would never truly understand." 

"Obi, we're your friends," Reeft said. "Try us." 

Rex nudged his foot under the table and Cody caught his eye, nodding. He had support here. People who loved him. Even if his friends decided after this that they didn't want to see him again, that what he had done was too much for them? He still had people who loved and cared for him. He took a deep breath and let it out. 

He told them, Rex and Cody as well, about hating going home all the time. The constant anxiety. How sometimes he was unable to even turn down his street without having a panic attack. Even being in the house was awful, feeling like he was constantly being hunted by his family. He'd hear them in his sleep, always needing him, and sometimes that need would send him screaming awake. He was never able to keep his weight steady--something they themselves had remarked upon at various stages--because when was he supposed to eat himself? His family wore him to the bone and never seemed to notice. 

When he did manage to escape them and see his friends? It was because he had snuck out. Every time. His family noticed as well and it made it harder and harder to leave the house. 

"Honestly," Obi-Wan said. "Between a fake death and a real one? A fake one is still easier to recover from." 

Bant had pushed her chair back and gone to him, hugging him tight. "I wish you could have told us," she said. 

"And said what?" he asked, holding her. "Help? What good would that have done?" 

"They would have found him and brought him home," Quin said. "And closed the door and never let him leave." 

"Damn," Cody said. "I knew it was bad just from seeing your brother for a couple of hours, but that's some shit." 

Obi-Wan shot him a smile over Bant's shoulder. Bant slid into his lap, making it easier, and he held her close. She was the more emotional of his friends, the gentler. She and Garen were partners, working as emergency helicopter medics, and they balanced each other. Reeft was a chef who actually had learned from Anakin's mother before opening his own restaurant. Siri, being retired military, owned her own martial arts studio and taught little kids how to protect themselves. 

Rex put a hand on his shoulder, quiet support, the best kind. 

"Well, I still hate you for it," Garen said, finally. 

"I still hate your haircut from three years ago, but I got over it," Obi-Wan said. "You will too." 

Bant giggled. "It was really awful, wasn't it?" she asked quietly. 

"The _worst_ ," Obi-Wan said, exaggeratedly rolling his eyes as Garen squawked loudly. 

"I reserve the right to get you on a matt and pound your ass," Siri said. 

"The only one pounding his ass is me," Rex said with a smug look. 

Silence met his declaration, then: 

"Oh, I like him," Reeft said. "We're keeping him." 

"I'm still pissed it took you fake-dying to find a damned boyfriend," Quin said. "Honestly, Kenobi." 

Obi-Wan grinned and nudged Bant, quietly murmuring to her: "He's a good guy. Whole family is amazing. You'd like them." 

"We can meet them?" she asked, running a hand through his hair. 

"Of course," he said, smiling sadly at her, "Game's up. No point in being dead when everyone knows now. My worlds can collide and everyone can meet. Besides, I'm sure Kix will be thrilled to finally be able to yell at me in front of everyone and apologise to you two and keep yelling at me, all in the same breath." 

Bant smiled. "You really do know Dr Fett." 

"He's vicious," Obi-Wan agreed. "Boyfriend is kind of cute, for a firefighter." He saw Rex arch an eyebrow at him and smiled. 

Bant kissed his cheek and went back to her chair, ruffling Garen's hair as she went. It wasn't all forgiven, not by a longshot, but it was on its way to being mended. 

Rex leaned over and pulled Obi-Wan into his lap. "You think Jesse's cute?" he asked with a low growl. 

"I said, 'for a firefighter'," Obi-Wan protested, grinning with a hand on Rex's chest. He was ignoring the fact that conversation had pretty much screeched to a stop around them and that Cody was huffing in annoyance. "I mean, you have to admit. There's something about firefighters that screams 'hot'." 

"Did, did you just--" Rex said, squinting at him. "You did. I don't know whether to be horrified or proud. Also, that's Jesse you're talking about, one of the biggest assholes on the planet." 

"I've seen bigger," Obi-Wan smirked. 

Rex growled and kissed him. "You are missing the point," he said, biting at his lower lip. 

Obi-Wan hummed happily, wrapping his arms around Rex's neck and dragging his nails along his spine. "Maybe just a little." 

"I am not dumping this food on them," Bite Me said loudly with a pop of her gum. Obi-Wan and Rex froze. "You all can dump that water pitcher on them instead." 

"Speaking for experience," Cody said mildly, "cold water really won't stop them." 

"I hate you, please stop talking, I am demanding dad returns you so I can be the oldest, fuck it, I need to be an only child yesterday," Rex said, turning to glare at Cody. Bite Me shook her head and started sliding the pizzas on the table and walked away, muttering. 

Cody grinned and wiggled his fingers at Rex. "Dad can't return me, Rexy-poo." 

Obi-Wan choked on air. 

"Thank you, Merciful Goddess, for this wonderful gift you have brought us," Siri said, raising her hands and face to the sky. "I love all Fetts." 

Cody's ears pinked slightly as he looked at her, right as Rex reached over and grabbed an ear to wrench. "OW!" Cody yelped. 

"I know where all your bones are buried," Rex hissed, leaning forward just enough to pin Obi-Wan against the table at an uncomfortable angle. 

"I volunteer to be the place he buries the next one," Siri smirked. 

Obi-Wan froze in the process of scooting off Rex's lap, as both Fetts turned to her. He sighed and gave Rex a kiss on the cheek. "Yeah, I should have warned you about her." 

"Yeah," Rex said faintly, eyes wide. 

Cody was staring, his face very red now. 

"You should have known better than to give her that type of opening," Garen said, grabbing a slice of pizza. Reeft was too busy shoveling food in his mouth to do more than mumble an agreement. 

"They don't know her," Obi-Wan said with a smile. 

"I will give them all types of openings," Siri said, leaning into Cody's space. "What kind of, uh, openings do you like?" 

Rex was staring, an absolutely horrified expression on his face. Obi-Wan choked back his laugh and turned Rex's face to his, giving him quick little kisses. It was honestly entertaining that the younger brother couldn't handle the idea of his older brother getting laid--which would happen very shortly, if Siri had a say in the matter. Poor Rex, he would need such a distraction. Obi-Wan hoped he was up to the task. 

"Oy, not here," Quin said, nailing Obi in the head with a soggy paper napkin. "We'll get kicked out and we haven't gotten all our food yet." 

"What the ever-living _fuck_?!" Obi-Wan yelped, scrabbling at his head. "VOS!" 

Bant was giggling but eating her own pizza, neat as ever, and helping put more food on Reeft's plate. Siri, however, had decided she wanted other food and had decided Cody would do the job. While Obi-Wan had distracted Rex, she had climbed into Cody's lap and was feeding him a slice of pizza with a predatory expression. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes--oh, yeah, that was a familiar look. 

"You okay there, Cody? Need a hand? A safe word?" he asked. 

"I hate you," Rex hissed at him, pinched Obi-Wan's thigh, ignoring the swat Obi-Wan sent his way. 

Cody just waved them off, chewing his pizza and watching Siri. Hopeless. Utterly hopeless. 

"We should probably just get the rest of the food wrapped to go," Obi-Wan sighed, leaning into Rex and grinning at Garen. "I have a feeling we're going to start losing people soon." 

Garen shook his head with a laugh. "No, really? What gave you that idea?" 

Obi-Wan listened to the squawk of protest from Rex and yelped as he was promptly dumped into his own chair as, yep, his boyfriend walked away from the table to go cool off. He glanced over at Siri and Cody to find out why--ah. Siri had put the pizza down and had he hand under Cody's shirt and was kissing him with _intent_. Yep, that would do it. Siri never did anything halfway. 

"Didn't you miss this?" Bant asked. 

"Like you wouldn't believe," Obi-Wan said, smiling. 

"Awesome," he heard from next to him. He turned and glared as he felt the cool-wet-drag of a marker on his arm. "Cuz I'm gonna draw on you now." 

"Quinlan Vos, I do not need any more ink." 

"Everyone needs more ink," Quin said from around the sharpie cap in his mouth, still drawing. "No such thing as too much ink." 

Obi-Wan sighed and reached for his own pizza slice. Ah, the sweet, sweet chaos of his friends. How had he survived without them? 


End file.
